Decisions.


The past couple years have been somewhat of a struggle for me. A battle really...with myself over making decisions. It hasn't always been an easy thing for me, and it still isn't, but I'm getting better at it. It used to be bad tho. So bad that I developed severe anxiety analyzing over every tiny detail, dissecting it over and over until I had nothing left. And it wasn't just decisions that were to be made, I would stress over decisions that I had made in the past. I'd kick myself every time something didn't turn out "as planned" and convince myself it was because of the decisions and choices I had made. I wanted to be able to control every thing that happened in my life. Every thing. I didn't want surprises or curve balls to ever come my way. I always wanted to be one step ahead and have everything go "as planned." I never wanted to make the "wrong" decision.


 When I met Ryan everything I ever thought I knew went straight out the window. I met him at the worst but also at the best time. I had just got out of a two year long journey with myself, finding out who I was and who I wanted to be, and gaining control over my anxiety (that's its own story for a different day tho.. ha!) When we met I was on a straight rode, with each of my next moves planned out accordingly to the timeline I had set for myself. Ryan changed everything tho. Meeting him hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like a whirlwind of events, with everything happening so fast. He threw about 20 curveballs at me. The hardest being, moving to Texas. I had always known I wanted to leave Arizona, but I wanted to do it for myself. Not with or for anybody else. During my process of deciding to move or not  something just clicked. I could go through my life "as planned" making lists and living without surprises or I could just take the risk. There will never be a "right" or "wrong" choice to any decision we make in life, but rather an experience that will help us grow one way or another.  The only thing we can do is simply just let go and trust the process.

I am still a work in progress with my decision making skills. But I'm getting better each and every day. Of all the decisions I have made in my life, i can honestly say  the best ones are the ones I didn't think too hard about, the ones I just followed my heart with :)


How about you? Is it hard for you make decisions? Or are you a free spirit just blowing in the wind? 
Let me know! 



Happy Hump Day!! 

1 comment:

  1. SO HARD for me to make decisions! I over analyze everything. I think its worse when you're a woman lol...

    ReplyDelete

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